


Wish You Were Here

by OneNightStands



Category: Septiplier - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark, Depression, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 12:56:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6330118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneNightStands/pseuds/OneNightStands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack's been missing from his body for quite awhile and it takes something drastic for anyone to notice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Are You Okay?

**Author's Note:**

> So I live off of angst. This is some heavy angst, so please don't kill me. 
> 
>  
> 
> I'll also write the song each chapter was inspired by at the end of the chapter.

There is only one way a morning should start and that’s with coffee. Jack’s fingers traced the coffee pot absentmindedly; it was all so routine. His body knew the movements but his mind wasn’t there. Instead, he floated several feet above himself. Slowly, he made his way up, out of his house, and into the dark grey skies above. He thought of leaving the atmosphere all together when a sudden pain in his fingers yanked him back down to Earth. 

 

He found himself gripping the already heated coffee pot and quickly dropped it. 

 

“Damn it.” He muttered under his breath, it was only 7:00 a.m and he had already managed to injure himself. 

 

Ten minutes and several curses later  he realised he wouldn’t be able to play video games with a burnt hand. He picked angrily at the ACE bandage he had haphazardly wrapped around his fingers.

 

“Fuckin’ idiot.”

 

He settled for a ‘Reading Your Comments’ video instead but as soon as he sat in his chair he wanted to be anywhere else. He wanted to be sleeping. 

It didn’t take much more thought before he had his phone out and was sending out a quick Tweet.

 

_ “Hey guys! Feeling a bit ill today, won’t be uploading today. Back on schedule tomorrow!” _

 

Jack had never missed a video upload since he started his channel and as soon as his head hit his pillow he felt waves of guilt crash over him. 

The anxiety kept building until he forced himself out of bed and eventually out of the house. He didn’t have a destination in mind but hoped that a walk would clear his head. 

 

Before he could get out the door, however, his phone buzzed. A text from Mark. 

 

_ Mark: I saw your Tweet, are you okay? _

_ Are you okay? _ The question circled through Jack’s mind as he continued out of his house.  _ Are you okay?  _ He wasn’t physically injured, besides the burn in his hand.  _ Are you okay?  _ How do you tell someone that you were okay, you just weren’t there.  _ Are you okay?  _ Jack felt like he’d been missing for awhile. _ Are you okay?  _ His feet hit pavement and he felt the fresh air on his skin but he wasn’t there.  _ Are you okay?  _ Jack was still stuck in a hotel room in L.A and had been for a long time.  _ Are you okay? _

 

He looked down at his phone screen one last time with one final thought before pocketing it. 

 

_ Not since you. _

        


	2. Heroes for Ghosts

It was a convention that had started out like any other. Sign autographs, listen to fans, talk about video games, 20 minute breaks, dinner,  and sleep. Wash, rinse, and repeat. 

 

Jack had been excited as he always was but this time, Mark would be there, his best friend, who lived too far away and had too little time.

 

They had agreed to share a hotel room, it was cheaper and gave them a chance to hang out past the convention. 

 

It started innocent enough. 

 

“You can have the bed closest to the AC. I know you get hot easily.” 

 

Jack felt heat rise to his cheeks, it was sweet of Mark to offer. “Thanks man.”

  
  


It was late into the night when Jack felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Mark, shirtless, leaning over him. 

 

“Hey man, sorry to wake you but it looks like whoever used my bed last didn’t exactly clean up. Do you mind if I….” He trailed off and avoided Jack’s gaze. 

 

“Yeah, sure I don’t mind.” And it wasn’t long before he felt Mark’s body laying next to him. If Jack were honest with himself, he had developed a crush on Mark long before that night but Jack was rarely honest anymore.

 

He didn’t sleep that night. Every part of his body was alive as he felt the other man shift and turn in his sleep. 

 

When sunrise finally came, he wondered what it would be like to lay next to Mark every morning. 

 

Naturally, he decided to remove himself from the bed in order to avoid any awkwardness when the other man awoke and began to make coffee instead. It wasn’t long before he heard a quiet good morning from the other side of the hotel room.

 

“Morning sleeping beauty.” Jack said as he poured Mark a cup of coffee and walked over to give it to him.

 

Mark mumbled something unintelligent in reply as he sat up, which made Jack giggle. In a fit of giddy, he handed Mark the coffee and kissed him on the cheek.

 

It wasn’t until he saw the frozen look on Mark’s face that he realized what he had done. He tried to laugh it off with a poor joke about morning grogginess and it seemed to him that Mark went along with it out of pity. 

 

That night he checked himself out of the hotel room a night early and flew home, excusing himself with some imaginary ailment. 

  
He had spoken to Mark since then, every time easier than the last but he’ll never forget the look on Mark’s face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me - 1975


	3. Fish Bowl

It was several days before Jack answered Mark’s text.

 

_ Jack: Yeah, I’m fine. Just a cold is all. _

 

There was a minute pause, before he felt a buzz in his pocket. He hadn’t expected him to answer so quickly.

 

_ Mark: Are you sure? I see you’re still not posting. I just want you to know I’m here for you. _

 

Jack couldn’t think of anything more to say. How could he explain that he was fine but wasn’t? He couldn’t continue to not post videos, every day the support dwindled and the comments became more annoyed. 

 

_ Why haven’t you posted anything?  _

_ Why hasn’t Jack put anything up? _

 

_ What is wrong with him?  _

 

_ Is he sick?  _

 

It was then he knew what to do. He sent Mark one last text before turning off the phone and tossing it in the trash.

 

He made himself some tea and set about cleaning his home. It was small and it didn’t take much time but he didn’t want anyone to have to do much work when he was gone. 

 

He piled all of his clothes into boxes, all except for his favorite sweater and pair of jeans. He wrote ‘Donate” on each box he filled and hoped that would be enough. He hoped he could still do some good for others after he was gone. 

 

The longer the day stretched on, the further away he felt. 

 

Until he was watching himself climb into his own bed for the very last time. 

  
  


The next morning, he awoke with the first sense of purpose he’d had in a long time. He was going to be useful to something again. He was going to be apart of something grand and beautiful. For the first time in a long time he looked in his bathroom mirror and saw life in his own eyes. Though they were rimmed with purple and red blotches, his eyes reflected the sky today.

He took a long hot shower, revelling in the feel of water hitting his skin for the last time. 

 

Afterwards he slipped on his jeans and sweater, grabbed the bag he had prepared the night before, and, forgoing any footwear, set off on his path. 

 

He knew exactly where he wanted to go and it wasn’t long before he was in the woods he once called home. He remembered his cabin, and every path was as familiar to him as the back of his hands. He felt at peace. 

 

There is a bridge in these woods that Jack remembers walking across often. It was unusually high for such an old bridge and crossed over a particularly rough part of a mostly calm river. Sharp rocks were scattered around the bottom, making it an incredibly dangerous bridge to fall off of. Or to jump off of, as many people had.

 

It was at this bridge, that Jack opened up his bag and pulled out a thermostat of coffee, chuckling at the ACE bandage still wrapped around his hand. He sat for awhile on the edge of the bridge, drinking his coffee. Occasionally, a hiker would pass by and stop, ask him if he was okay. His explanation was always the same, just out for a picnic and enjoying the view from the bridge. 

 

At least that last part wasn’t a lie, he was enjoying the view. 

 

It was midday when he decided to stand on the edge of the bridge. The old wood creaked under his weight and he felt himself sway a bit, he felt as light as a feather. He soared higher and higher, until he was just about to break through the atmosphere when he jumped forward. 

 

Only he didn’t. 

 

It took him a minute to process the arms wrapped around his waist and pulling him back onto the bridge. It took him even longer to see the almond eyes and dark hair. The tears that seemed to stick to his cheeks, as though he’d been crying for awhile. The stubble that was a bit longer than usual. 

 

Mark was holding him so tightly, that Jack couldn’t tell where he stopped and Mark began. They sunk to the floor of the bridge, and all Jack could feel where Mark’s kisses on his face.

“Thank god I found you.” He repeated the phrase over and over until Jack couldn’t understand the words.

  
  


“How…” was all Jack managed to ask and without a word Mark pulled his phone from his pocket and showed Jack the last message he had received from the Irishman.

  
  
_ Jack: Goodbye Mark. I love you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the Love of God - Steve Vai  
> Whispering a Prayer - Steve Vai


	4. Heaven from Hell

It was awhile before either could talk. 

 

For the first time Jack felt like he was inside his body again and it was heavy. 

 

They sat in silence on the bridge, Mark clinging to him like his life depended on it and in a way Jack supposed it did.

 

“How did you get here?” Jack finally managed, pulling himself back from Mark so he could see his face properly. 

 

“Plane.” He answered flatly. “After your message, I left as soon as possible. I had a feeling….and I remembered you telling me about this place before. How sometimes people would jump.”

 

He paused for a moment and Jack thought he saw something in Mark’s face but in the next moment Mark was shaking him, not hard but Jack could barely focus on what Mark was asking.

 

“Why, Jack? Why? Why wouldn’t you talk to me? Why did you want to do...this?”

 

He must have realized that Jack couldn’t answer because he suddenly stopped shaking him and instead stared intently.

 

“I just…” Jack had never said any of his feelings out loud and now it felt cheap. “I couldn’t take it anymore; this feeling of being incomplete like I wasn’t in my own body. Ever since our last con...I couldn’t handle this thing between us.” Mark began to speak but Jack talked through him, somehow unable to stop. “I didn’t mean to kiss you, but I did and the look on your face...I couldn’t stand to see you so disgusted with me. Maybe it was just the pain that was so bad that I went numb but I just seemed to leave my body then. It’s like I’m dead anyways so I figured I’d give my body back to the Earth. Do some good for the plants and animals. No matter how much I sleep, I’m still exhausted. I’m just so exhausted.” 

 

Silence filled the space between them and Jack felt it like a knife in his side. Then he felt a hand on his cheek and he looked into Mark’s eyes.

 

“I have never been and never will be, disgusted by you.” At Jack’s protest, Mark quieted him. “You surprised me and I didn’t know how to react. When you brushed it off, I assumed you wanted me to do the same. I love you, Jack. I flew halfway around the world for you and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” 

 

Mark kissed his cheek, where tears had begun to fall. “I love you.”

 

He kissed his forehead. “I love you.”

 

And finally Mark pressed his lips to Jack’s, and everything melted away. The pain that Jack had felt seemed to slip from his shoulders and he pressed himself to Mark, never wanting to let go. When they pulled apart, Jack buried his face in Mark’s shirt wetting it with tears.

 

“I love you too.”

  
  
  
  


Some days aren’t perfect. 

 

There are days that Mark catches Jack staring out the window and, no matter how many times he calls his name, he won’t turn around. There are days where Jack’s eyes begin to get red blotches around them as though he’d been crying. On the occasions that Mark is away from the house for longer than he expected, Jack texts and calls him as though he were abandoning the Irishman. 

 

Some days aren’t perfect. They’re hard and exhausting and some days they can’t win.

 

But they wouldn’t have it any other way. 

  
  
  
Fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! This was the first fic I've posted on here. I love these two, I love angst, and hopefully there will be more to come in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> Wish You Where Here - Pink Floyd
> 
> Nobody's Hero - Rush


End file.
